My Annoying neighbor
“You slimy, little doofus” I yelled over my fence.
“Aigoo, you’re making me deaf you ugly half-wit” came the reply.
“What’s going on there??” Nana asked in exasperation again.
“I’ll make you pay for this you half sperm” I ignored Nana’s question and focused on my fight.
“Eish, you flat brained ballooned boob” Came the reply.
I turned to Nana and smiled broadly before turning back to the fence.
“I can’t help but imagine how much better the world would be if your dad had just pulled out you tiny brain”.
“At least it’s not as tiny as your value” he shot back.
“Audrey, Kim Nana, what’s going on there??” Mum harrumphed.
I jumped down from the wooden box I was standing on and faked a smile.
For God’s sake Mum, why couldn’t you wait for me to give this lunatic a piece of my mind before ruining the show??
“Arguing with the neighbor’s son again??” Mum asked “For crying out loud Audrey when would you grow up??”.
“He started it Mum” I drawled out.
“Save it Audrey. I’ve had enough of your silliness and it’s high time I take matters into my own hands” she rasped.
“That’s the spirit Mum, go there right away and give that douche a piece of….”
“Next time this repeats itself, I’ll have your allowance split into two very unequal halves” she harrumphed.
“What??” I yelled in frenzy.
“And you wouldn’t want to know who’s gonna get a smaller portion young lady”
“You can’t do that!!” I yelled.
“We’ll see about that” She muttered and walked back in.
“Eish, I’m losing it” I groaned loudly.
“That funny faced, octopus….” I cursed, walking towards the fence and getting on the box again.
Nana just watched me in amusement.
“You crooked face” I yelled.
There was silence, then..
“Enough of that Audrey, we’ll talk this out over dinner” Jin’s voice came rushing back, Christian’s Mum.
“If someone just let me use a knowledge hammer to talk some sense into that…. Chipmunks head, it’ll do us all some good” I Muttered irritatingly.
“I don’t get why you don’t like Christian, he’s pretty chill” Nana said as we made our way back into the house.
“Who said I don’t like him??” I asked. Nana raised her brow and turned to look me in the face.
“I hate him” I pointed out. She just sighed sat down on the carpet.
“I hate him so much, the devil gives me a cup of water each time I come across his…his…”
“Audrey, the neighbor’s are coming over for dinner so I’d like to drop by the grocery store. I just wanted to know if you’d need anything” Mum said as she frantically searched her bag. She heaved when she got her car keys out.
“A knife” I said calmly. Nana glared at me and shook her head before turning her attention back to the Tv.
“A knife??” Mum echoed “whatever for??”.
“Oh you know, just a simple pocket knife I could use to slit…. sausages and perhaps…throats” I said drily, with no smile.
Mum scoffed “it’s obvious you don’t need anything so I’d be leaving now” she made for the door but halted Midway.
“And no yelling over my fence young lady” she warned before walking out and slamming the door behind her.
“I guess I’d have to leave soon, considering your neighbor’s would be coming over” Nana said.
Kim Nana was my very best friend. She spent most of her time at my home cause hers was kind of boring.
“Be a good girl Drey” Nana cautioned as she walked pass me.
“You’re mum is putting in a lot for this dinner to be a success, don’t ruin it with your silly tantrums” she added.
“Me?? Ruin it?? Of course not” I smiled “Christian and I will just…hang out” I chuckled slightly.
“For real??” Nana drawled out. I nodded.
“I’ll be watching you” she gave me the”watching you” sign as she walked backwards, towards the door. I kept a smile etched on my face till I was sure she was out of sight.
“Dinner?? Let’s see how that goes”
My Annoying neighbor